East German jokesThe jokes of the
German Democratic Republic (GDR) frequently included political characters, had an eye towards life in East Germany and
the Socialist Unity Party of Germany (
SED) (
Genossenwitze, party member jokes;
Honeckerwitze, jokes about Erich Honecker), or attacked the actual or assumed characteristics of the West Germans.
A cause for bitter laughter was the bestowal of the name
Wendehals (turncoat; literally
wryneck) to opportunistic people who quickly turned from
communists to
capitalists during German reunification, continuing to hold their offices or even advancing their career. At the same time, at the peak of the
1989 wave of East Germans fleeing through
Hungary and
Czechoslovakia, people who remained in
East Germany (DDR) were referred to, however inappropriately, as the "
Der Dumme Rest" (
the dumb remainder).
Comparisons between countries were also common—between
East Germany and
West Germany, but also
East Germany and
the Soviet Union, between
Soviet citizens (Sowjets, Russen) and
Americans (Amis), between
Communists and
capitalists, between
Genossen (members of the SED) and
other social and professional groups. In particular,
Volkspolizei officers were often portrayed as brainless in their respective jokes.
The Q&A-type jokes of
Armenian Radio were also in circulation, as well as jokes about the Soviets (
Russenwitze), Poles (
Polenwitze), and the Saxons (
Sachsenwitze).
Other, general categories of jokes are also
Fritzchen jokes (with an unsuspecting young boy),
anti-humor,
hunters' Latin and
seaman's yarn coc...k-and-bull stories,
scientific humor, and the presumably
self-invented, rather than imported from the west Scotsman jokes and
East Frisian jokes.
Ossi-Wessi jokesEven before the
1989 fall of the
Berlin Wall, the humour landscape of
east German branched out into jokes about so called
Besserwessis (a word-play with "
West Germans" and
Besserwisser, annoying "
know-it-all" persons from
the West who consider themselves and their state as superior) and
the Ossi-jokes, which within
the GDR were told mostly by immigrated and still uncautious
West Germans.
A similar, but inverse development could be found in
West Germany well before
1989, as former GDR citizens carried
the GDR-originating jokes and
Besserwessi-jokes into
West Germany and told these predominantly among one another, since the West German citizens mostly reacted very peculiarly to
the Besserwessi-jokes.
Both types of jokes,
the Ossi-jokes and
the Besserwessi-jokes, mirrored the considerable inner and outer contradictions and differences between
East and
West Germany, between
East Germans and
West Germans, between their mindsets and character, their history and their goals in life, which was also described by the expression
Mauer in den Köpfen (
wall in the head). They were partly strengthened by the disappearance of
the East German state.
Even today, many GDR-originated jokes are still told, especially
the Ossi-Wessi jokes. Even old
East German jokes about weaknesses of
East German society can still sometimes be heard, particularly from
critics of East Germany, and they are also sometimes gladly picked up and retold by
anticommunists.
Other examplesBanana jokesNote: The gag in the following "
banana jokes" centres on the fact that bananas (or any other kind of exotic fruits) were very difficult to acquire in the GDR.
* How can you use a banana as a compass? Place a banana on the Berlin Wall. East is where a bite has been taken out of it.
* Two Berliner children spoke to each other over the wall. The little girl in the West says, while eating a banana, "
Look - I have a banana." The boy in the East not wanting to be inferior to her in anything, says with pride: "
We have socialism." The girl counters: "
So, we'll have socialism soon too." The boy, triumphant: "
See, then you won't have any bananas anymore either!"
Consumer shortages* What's the difference between an HO-sausage and Sputnik?
They've officially confirmed that Sputnik 2 had a dog in it.
(HO was one of the two state grocery networks; the quality of East German wares left something to be desired.)
* What would happen if the desert became communist? Nothing for a while, and then there would be a sand shortage.
Political jokes* Which three great nations in the world begin with "
U"? - USA, USSR, and our (German:unsere) GDR (USA, UdSSR, Unsere DDR). (A play on the way official discourse often used the phrase "
our GDR", and also often exaggerated the GDR's world status.)
* The teacher asks in school: "
Fritzchen (little Fritz), why are you always speaking of our Soviet brothers? It's 'Soviet friends'."
Fritz responds: "
Well, you can pick your friends."
*
Honecker meets
Mao and asks him: "
How many political opponents do you have in China?"
Mao: "
I estimate about 17 million."
Honecker: "
Oh, that's pretty much the same here." (The GDR had 17 million inhabitants)
* Two major East German newspapers, both owned by the communist
SED, were called
Freiheit (
Freedom) and
Neues Deutschland (
New Germany). The joke plays with the newspapers' names and with scarcity of supplies in East Germany: A client asks at the newspaper kiosk for a "
New Germany", the newspaper vendor answers: "
It's out!" The client: "
So I will take 'Freedom'". Vendor: "
It's out too!" Client: "
So when will there be 'Freedom' again?" Vendor: "
Once there will be a 'New Germany'!"
* The teacher asks: "
Fritzchen, what is the difference between capitalism and socialism?"
Fritz replies: "
Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man. Under socialism, it is the other way around."
Stasi jokes*
Honecker and
Mielke are discussing their hobbies.
Honecker: "
I collect all the jokes about me that are in circulation."
Mielke: "
Then we have almost the same hobby. I collect those who bring the jokes into circulation."
(A further version also circulated in which
Helmut Schmidt and
Honecker conversed.)
* How can you tell that the Stasi has bugged your apartment?
There's a new cabinet in it.
(This is an allusion to the underdeveloped state of East German microelectronics.)
Honecker jokesDuring
Erich Honecker's eighteen-year leadership (1971–1989) of the East German government and the SED, he became the target of a large number of jokes aimed at his leadership style and his demeanor.
The following joke is typical; it was featured in the 2006 Oscar-winning movie
The Lives of Others.
Early in the morning,
Honecker arrives at his office and opens his window. He sees the sun and says: "
Good morning, dear Sun!"
The sun replies: "
Good morning, dear Erich!"
Honecker works, and then at noon he heads to the window and says: "
Good day, dear Sun!"
The sun replies: "
Good day, dear Erich!"
In the evening, Erich calls it a day, and heads once more to the window, and says: "
Good evening, dear Sun!"
The sun is silent.Honecker says again: "
Good evening, dear Sun! What's the matter?"
The sun replies: "
Kiss my arse. I'm in the West now."
Another Honecker joke in the film, difficult to translate, runs as follows:
"
What's the difference between Honecker and a telephone? None! Hang up and try again."
This is a pun with the German words
aufhängen,
neuwählen, meaning both '
hang up' and '
hang', meaning both '
hang up the phone and dial again' and '
hang him and vote again'.
The Trabant (an East German Car)A good deal of jokes played on the fact that the car was cheap but devoid of any conveniences.
* How do you double the value of a Trabant? Fill up the tank!
* VEB Sachsenring brought out a new Eco-Trabi: Immediately available for delivery, extremely cheap, extremely quiet, extremely environmentally friendly - with electric power train. Small problem: The extension cord is only 20 meters long and not in stock.
* An East German driver pulled into a service station and asked, "
Can I get a windshield wiper blade for this Trabi?" The mechanic looked the car over for a long time and finally said, "
Okay, it's a trade!"
* An East German worker's five years were up, and he went to take delivery of his Trabi. He asked the company representative, "
Can I get a car with seat belts?" "
Sure," said the representative, "
and while we're at it, we can give you one with two-tone paint, air-conditioning, and an AM/FM/Longwave/Shortwave radio!" Mortified, the customer mumbled, "
Now you're just making fun of me." "
Well," roared the representative, "
who started it?"
* A customer orders a Trabant. The salesman tells him to come back to pick it up in seven years. The customer answers: "
Alright. Shall I come back in the morning or in the evening?" [Extended version: The sellers replies: "
Now you're kidding me." The customer says: "
No I am not. It's just that I need to know; , the plumber comes at 3pm."]
* What do you call a Trabant up a hill?: A miracle.
* What do you call two Trabants up a hill?: A mirage.
* What do you call ten Trabants up a hill?: The factory's up there.
* What's the best feature of a Trabant?: There's a heater at the back to keep your hands warm when you're pushing it.
* Why was the Trabant made?: There was a mistake, it was supposed to be a washing machine.
* A new Trabi has been launched with two exhaust pipes - so you can use it as a wheelbarrow.
Quite a few jokes play with the widespread urban legend that Trabant's body was made of corrugated/laminated/reinforced/etc. cardboard, i.e., it was a "
cardboard car", playing off of the supposed flimsiness of its body (the Trabant's body was actually made of duroplast, a cotton fiber-reinforced resin).
Stands of the GDR furniture industry at the autumn fair in 1981
* A West German businessman is driving a Mercedes through East Germany on a rainy night when his windshield wipers stop working. He takes it to an East German mechanic, who tells him there are no Mercedes windshield wiper motors in the GDR, but he will do his best to fix it. When the businessman returns the next day, to his surprise the windshield wipers are working perfectly. "
How did you find a Mercedes windshield wiper motor in the East?" he asks the mechanic. "
We didn't," replies the mechanic, "
We used the engine of a Trabant."
SaxonsSome jokes lose their humour when translated into English, much as jokes about the speech of US southerners or Australians would when translated into German, since they both rely on quirks of pronunciation or grammar that would be unknown to non-native speakers of the respective languages.
While these jokes have been common throughout history, Saxon jokes acquired new prominence when the Inner German border was drawn, running mostly through the historical Saxony.
* What was the most-frequently used word at the German-German border? "
Goose meat". (Gänsefleisch, sounds like the first three words in Gönn'se vielleischt mal 'n Gofferraum bidde offmachn? in the Saxon accent, Können Sie vielleicht bitte mal den Kofferraum öffnen? in standard German, which means Could you please open the trunk? ) This joke cannot be fully understood unless one realizes that most East German border guards who worked the West German border were recruited from Saxony, the most populous part of the country and larger parts thereof lacking availability of West German broadcasts, often called "
Tal der Ahnungslosen", a "
valley of the clueless."
* The doorbell rings. The woman goes to the door and shortly comes back startled and turns to her husband, seeking help: "
Dieter! There's a man standing outside who only asks 'Tatü tata'" (Tatü tata is onomatopoeia for the sound a police car siren makes). Dieter goes to the door and comes back laughing. "
It's my coworker from Saxony, asking "
's do Dieta da?" (Ist der Dieter da?, "
Is Dieter there?")
Jokes about differences between the East and the WestJokes about differences between Ossis and Wessis were very popular in East Germany; the ones that still make sense after reunification are also still popular.
West Germans* Why are there so many bananas in the West? Because the Westerners are descended from apes.
* Did East Germans originate from apes? Impossible. Apes could never have survived on just two bananas a year.
* What's the difference between a Western necktie and a cow's tail? The cow's tail covers the whole not a very nice person.
* What kind of present do you give to a Westerner? A suppository, what else are you supposed to give an not a very nice person?
East Germans* At the peak of the wave of East Germans fleeing through Hungary and Czechoslovakia in 1989, the persons still staying in East Germany (DDR) were stereotyped as the "
Der Dumme Rest" (
the dumb remainder).
Bonobo,
